Bulletproof
by clutchingatthestarlight
Summary: The pain is too much. I don't know what's happening. Please, someone, help me? **CHAPTER 7 NOW UP!**
1. Chapter 1

**Hiya! This is my first attempt at a fanfic and one that I have been working on for a little while now. I have a rough idea of where I'm going with this and have the first couple of chapters written but they are subject to change so if anyone has any suggestions after the first couple of chapters then I'd love to hear them! Hope you enjoy it! :)**

I run, as fast as I can without making a scene, in the direction of the staff toilets. I knock into a nurse who swings open the door to the ladies and I stumble into the bathroom. My vision is hazy, wavering from blurred to clear and back again. I stop and cling onto the wall; my fingers desperately trying to get some purchase on the newly painted surface, while my other hand is firmly clutched around my stomach as the pain tears around my body like a race car. I make my way to a cubicle and shut the door. I look down at my hands – they shake uncontrollably as I attempt to slide the lock across. It clicks shut; I collapse against the wall feeling a sense of security in this secluded area of such a hectic environment. With my hands still trembling, I reach into my scrub pocket and take out a small white box of paracetamol. I hurriedly pop out two pills into the palm of my hand and after contemplating whether I could down them both without water and without vomiting them back up again, I decide to take them one at a time. As I feel the dry pill slide coarsely down my parched throat, it takes all my concentration to distract myself from the pain and throwing it back up again. I take the next one and slowly put the lid down on the toilet seat. I lower myself down, clutching the sides of the bowl; any sudden movements will send a surge of pain through my body. But sitting on the toilet seat really isn't helping the pain at all and I just can't get comfortable so I decide to sit on the floor. I stand up, still doubled over, hugging my stomach with both hands and let my back collide with the cubicle wall. I slide down it and land on the floor with a bump. I put my head in my hands and draw in a deep, ragged breath. As I breathe out, I let all my emotions flood out too. A whimper surfaces from the pit of my stomach and my eyes overflow with tears, making their tracks down my cheeks. My fist collides with the floor in frustration. Why do I not know what's _wrong_ with me?!

**Well, hope you enjoyed reading my first chapter. I would love to hear what you thought. xx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's the second chapter. I can't promise that updates will be regular, I'm rubbish at time-keeping as it is but I'll try my best. I never put a chapter up if I'm not 100% happy with it anyway so you'll only get the best and hopefully the wait will be worth it!**

**I'd like to thank Nicole for helping me and basically being my editor and suggesting things that make it better so thank you Nicole! :)**

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I pull myself together enough and wipe away my tears and I steady my breathing by humming deep breaths; filling my lungs to their limit.

But without warning, I suddenly feel a cold shiver run down my spine. Then my legs start to violently shudder. These shakes creep up my torso until my whole body convulses uncontrollably. I feel cold - really cold - on the outside, but on the inside I'm burning up.

I attempt to curl up into a ball, but as I haul my legs up to my chest I feel them go warm. The warmth creeps around where I am sitting. I put my hand down to the floor and lift it up to see what it is.

I bite my knee and try with all my might not to scream; my breathing quickens.

_Sam think. Think! You know all of this. You're a doctor for crying out loud! You don't need anybody's help. You've managed up until now. Just sit here a little while longer until everything calms down. No one will notice you're gone. It'll stop, just give it time._

I sit there, thoughts are whizzing through my head. But there is one thought that keeps coming back around. As the enormity of the situation hits me, I come to my senses – I am a doctor and if I knew there was someone out there refusing treatment, I would go out of my way and do the utmost to make them see sense. Today, that person is me.

My breathing is getting heavier and I know this isn't going to help matters. While taking big deep breaths and humming again, I work out what to do. I reach into my pocket and take out my phone. I unlock it and press my speed dial. I move my shaking hand from where it is firmly clenched around my knees and put the phone up to my ear.

The phone rings for what seems like an age. My concentration is beginning to waver and my eyes droop shut but they surely snap open when I hear a click and a rustling of noise on the other end of the line.

"Hey Sam!" The sickly cheerful voice says and I feel another violent shake rack my body. I compose myself enough to speak but although there is sound, it is pitiful. My voice is harsh and raspy.

"Tom, help, please. I'm bleeding"

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**Thanks for reading! The next chapter should be up sometime this weekend or early next week since I have a long weekend so thanks for reading! :) x x**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here's the third chapter. I wrote this chapter a little while ago, but from what I can remember, I really enjoyed writing it. I really liked writing Sam's more vulnerable side that is starting to show through and the connection between Tom and Sam so I**** hope you enjoy it too! xxx**

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"Tom, please." My voice is now just a whimper.

"Sam. Yes, I'm coming. Where are you? Sam. Sam!" He half shouts down the phone.

"Ladies... In the staff toilets... Hurry" I say, my voice now thoroughly laced with panic. The room is spinning, my ears are ringing and the shaking has subsided ever so slightly but I put that down to the fact that someone is coming to help me. I heave another jagged breath, take the phone down from my ear and press the 'end' button. I release the grip on my phone and just let it drop to the ground. I lean my head on my hand and let pitiful sobs evacuate my body. The painkillers have started to numb the pain but it isn't going away quick enough. I reach into my pocket and bring out the small box of painkillers. I pop another two out into my hand and they bounce up and down as my arm shakes. Even if they don't get rid of the pain, it will definitely take the edge off of it and the caffeine is sure to give me a boost.

I hear the door of the toilet swing open with such a force that it hits the wall behind. I hear footsteps and the slamming of cubicle doors as they search for me.

"SAM!" Tom's voice is thick with worry.

"Tom!" I scream and sob at the same time. Two feet and a shadow appear as he addresses the only thing that is standing in between us and I hear a clink of coins as he rakes for one that will fit the lock. There is a soft click and the door opens carefully.

"TOM" I shriek as I hold up my quivering hand that is covered in the crimson red blood that pools around my seat. I am terrified. "TOM. WHAT'S HAPPENING?" I sob.

"Sam. Oh my God, Sam!" He crashes down onto his knees beside me. He cups my face in his hands and looks into my eyes.

My hands scrabble up to my face and I grab his hand and take it into my own. I whisper as I look up to meet his gaze, my eyes pleading, speaking more words that my voice ever could.

"Help me." I wheeze. "Get Zoe."

He scrambles into his scrub pockets and takes out his phone, his bloody fingertips making their marks on the shiny surface of his new phone. He wipes his hands on his scrubs and calls Zoe.

"Come on Zoe. Pick up!"

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**Thanks for reading. I'll update as soon as possible x**


	4. Chapter 4

**Here's chapter four! Happy reading :) xx**

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"Guys, come on. I think it's time to stop, we're just cracking ribs now." Zoe said with a voice so thick with despair you would have thought this was her first patient she had lost. She peeled off her white gloves, chucked them in a bin, ran her hand through her silky black hair and heaved a huge sigh. She never really got over the death of a patient. It would always niggle her every now and then, making her feel guilty about being alive and healthy. But she just had to deal with it, every doctor does. If everyone was to come home from a bad day at work and drown in their sorrows then there would be nobody left.

She was left with these thoughts as she slowly traipsed out of resus. She turned back and watched as they started to take the lifeless body off the machines and the ventilator. She leaned on the worktop and punched the mint green surface. She decided she would take a walk.

The ED wasn't very quiet, but it wasn't Friday-night-busy either thank goodness. Cubicles were quite busy as was CDU although it had started to quieten down with the time creeping into late evening. Talking about evening, Zoe was ready for her bed. She walked up the stairs to her office out of the way of the commotion of a busy ED. She punched the pin into the lock, opened the door and switched on the light just to be greeted with multiple stacks of paperwork that had been accumulating in this office for the past few weeks. This was why she had been using the bottom one more, recently. Zoe cursed as she zig-zagged her way through to her chair and sat down. She sighed and kicked off her deep purple heels just as her mobile rang. She reached into her pocket and answered her phone…

"Tom, where the hell have you been, we could have done with your help in resus!" Zoe seethed.

"I'm sorry Zoe. It's… it's Sam."

A sudden realisation washed over Zoe. "God Tom is that her wheezing I can hear in the background?! And where are you Tom?"

"Staff toilets. Please, just come now." He said urgently "I'll explain when you get here. Just hurry, please." He was pleading now, his last word twisted with raw emotion.

"Alright Tom, I'm coming as fast as I can" She hung up, rammed her phone back into her pocket and shoved her feet back into her shoes. She navigated past the maze of papers and made her way out the door. As she slammed it shut, she could hear the rustling and glanced through the window to see a whirlwind of white papers settle on every flat surface in her office. She rolled her eyes and cursed again.

She ran down the corridor and was met with a flight of stairs. After a few seconds of contemplating she took off her shoes and rushed down the stairs getting a few odd looks on the way. She strode past reception and dumped her shoes on the reception desk in front of Noel.

"Keep them safe." She said as she passed.

She heard complaints from Noel and something about personal property from Louise but frankly, she didn't care.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you for the reviews. They really do all make me smile! :) Here's the next chapter and this is the one where you find out what's wrong with Sam. Happy reading, well as happy as this can be...! xxx**

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My eyes are drooping shut again. The harsh gaze of the artificial lights is giving me a throbbing headache, just to add to the pain of my stomach that still tugs away at me. Tom is speaking to Zoe on the phone. He is trying so hard not to let his worry show, I guess it's for my sake, but every now and then his voice quivers and he has to take a deep breath before continuing; his beautiful blue eyes glistening in the light with the excess tears. They frantically flick between me, the floor and the cubicle wall. Checking up on me but trying to avoid my eye contact.

"Staff toilets. Please, just come now. I'll explain when you get here. Just hurry, please." Tom's voice breaks on the last sentence. He listens to Zoe and then takes his phone down from his ear. He looks at it for a minute, seeming to be somewhere else, and then his eyes flick back into reality and he hangs up and puts the phone back in his pocket. He looks at me with eyes full of pity and sorrow and shuffles closer to me.

"Please don't" I wheeze.

"Don't what?" He asks, genuinely confused.

"Don't look at me like that, please." I plead. He sighs; he can see right through me, always could.

"Sam, just stop it. You're ill, even a blind man could see that. You're barely conscious and you're trying to stop me giving you sympathy." He says, trying to reason with me. But he's right and I sigh, too out of it to argue.

"Sorry." I try to say but it just comes out as a gasp as a wave of agonising pain sweeps over me. I clutch my stomach and clench my eyes shut as to block out the pain. My other hand desperately searches for something to hold on to. I feel the newly washed fabric of Tom's scrub top in my palm and grab a big handful into a ball in my hand. I pull him towards me and he puts his hand on the floor to steady himself.

"Woah, Sam! Sam!" He says but I'm too engrossed in the pain to answer.

Just then, Zoe rushes in all in a fluster.

"Oh. My. God, Sam." She then turns to Tom. "What happened?"

"Erm.. I don't know. One minute we were finishing up with a patient. Then we went our separate ways. The next I get a call from her telling me she's bleeding. This is what I found her like. I don't know what to do. Zoe? What's happened?!"

"Tom calm down. Sam can you hear me? Can you open your eyes?"

I peel my eyelids open and am greeted with two extremely worried expressions. Their outlines are blurry and I try and fight to keep my eyes open. Zoe is now kneeling down next to Tom, propping herself up with on hand on the wall. She seems to be missing her shoes and I make a mental note to ask her about it later.

"Right, that's good Sam. That's it, try and zone in on my voice." Her voice is encouraging. Their blurred outlines slowly sharpen to form two defined figures.

"Zoe," I say. "What's happening to me? I'm bleeding."

"Yes I know. I'm so sorry Sam; I think you've had a miscarriage."

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**Thank for reading! Please keep the reviews coming! xx**


	6. Chapter 6

I turn to Tom as Zoe speaks. His face shifts from worry to devastation in an instant. I open my mouth but no sound comes out. I try again and this time succeed.

"A… a miscarriage?" I stumble over my words. The figures that were once blurred are once again beginning to fuzz around the edges as my eyes fill up with tears. I bat them away with my eyelids and they flee down my cheeks. "But… but I'm not- wasn't pregnant" I correct myself. Am pregnant, was pregnant – two very different things, Sam. I say to myself. I think hard. "Oh my god, I'm pregnant" I gasp.

"Well yes Sam, you still are I suppose. I'm sorry, but this is going to be tough. If this is a miscarriage, and I'm pretty certain it is, then we need to get this… baby out of you." She falters on the word 'baby' and my hand instinctively moves from being clutched around my sides, to my stomach. I look up at Tom; he puts his hand on top of mine on my flat stomach and I slide my other hand on top of his. Zoe turns to Tom. "I'm sorry. I really am."

"So... what do we do?" Tom asks Zoe. "I'm sorry, I can't think straight right now."  
"Well, we need to get you out of here to start with." She turns to me and looks me straight in the eyes. "And I think we should get you a gown. Do you want me to fetch one and you can get changed in here?" I nod.  
"Thanks Zoe" I say as she stands up and turns around to walk out the door. "Oh, and Zoe?" She turns back around to face me. "Please don't tell anyone. I don't want this getting around the whole hospital."  
"Sam, you realise we're going to be treating you here. People are going to find out sooner or later, you know what this place is like for gossip." Zoe raises her eyebrows at her valid point.  
"A nightmare, yes I know."  
"I'll try and keep it on the down low as much as possible." She smiles a warm smile and she opens the door and walks out leaving Tom and I in complete silence. He doesn't need to say anything he just pulls me into his chest and I sob in his arms while he holds me.

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**Thanks for reading! :) xx**


	7. Chapter 7

**Here's chapter 7. Sorry I haven't updated sooner, it's been a mixture of writer's block, lack of enthusiasm, revision and the fact that I've practically just come out of mourning for Sam and Tom leaving. Oh yeah and Christmas but enough about me, here's the chapter seven!**

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"Alright, that's you all done." Rita says as she removes the full vial of blood from the cannula and places it in a kidney dish.

"Thanks nurse."

"No problem. I'll be back to check on you in a bit." She takes the cardboard dish and opens the curtains.

"Rita!" Zoe calls. She turns around and sees Zoe walking quickly towards her. "Rita, can you fetch a gown and a wheelchair and come to the ladies staff toilets." She takes the dish from her hands and waves it out in front of her.

"Fletch, can you deal with this patient. I need to borrow Rita."

"Er yeah, sure." He takes the kidney dish and walks off.

"Yeah... Can I ask why?" Rita asks as they walk, clearly puzzled.

"You'll find out, can you just get those things please. Oh and a 'cleaning in progress' sign."

"Ok, on it." She says as she walks off in the direction of the linen cupboard.

"Charlie, can you get a section of resus cornered off please. There's a em... patient coming in." Zoe barks.

"Er, yes. Do you have any more information on this _patient_ of yours that you would care to share with me?" He asks. He could sense that Zoe was keeping something from him.

"Can you just do it please?" Zoe says politely but with enough authority for Charlie to realise she wasn't going to spill.

As Zoe makes her way back to the toilets she bumps into Rita.

"Ahh, thank you. Right, in here." She gestures to the toilet door and holds it open as Rita pushes the wheelchair, with a gown and some blankets on, through. Zoe takes the sign from her, opens it out and places it in front of the door and follows Rita.

"Tom? Sam? Are you there?"

"Well were not exactly going to be moving very far are we?" Says an extremely sarcastic voice from the third cubicle along. Rita could see a pair of white trainers and turquoise scrub trousers peeking out from the cubicle and she turns to Zoe.

"Is that Sam in there?" She whispers, surprised.

"Yeah, it is." She says bluntly as she walks towards the open cubicle.

"Right Sam, we have a gown for you." She takes the gown from the wheelchair and hands it to Sam. She places it on a clean bit of the floor. She places one hand on the toilet lid and the other around her waist as she attempts to stand up.

"Woah, ok ok." Tom says as her weak arm shakes from her leaning all her body weight on it. He grabs her other arm and helps her up. She glances back down at the gown on the floor with a sigh. Tom sees this, picks up the gown and gives it to her. He takes a step back and Sam stares at them all, seeming to be waiting for something.

"Could you not look? I'd like to keep the little strand of dignity I have left."

"Ok," Tom says. "Close the door, but don't lock it."

"Fine." She says she shoos him out.

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"Sam, are you done?" Tom asks.

"Yes." Says the voice from behind the door. Tom walks towards the cubicle and places his hand on the door.

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah." He pushes the door open. Her eyes are red and bloodshot.

"Oh Sam, come here!" He takes her clothes from her and hugs her tight but he feels her squirm as she frees herself from his embrace. Tom sighs "Come on, we need to get you seen to." He wraps his arm around her shoulders and walks with her out the cubicle. Rita stands with the wheelchair and puts the brakes on.

"Come on Sam, let's get you in here." She takes the blankets off the seat. Sam looks up at Zoe and then at Tom.

"Can I walk? Please?"

"Are you sure you're up for it?" Zoe asks with a concerned look on her face.

"Yes." Sam answers, a little offended.

"Ok. We'll go at your pace."

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**Hope you liked it. This and a couple of other chapters have been semi-pre-written(eh?!) and on my final couple of checks I realised that I had maybe made Sam a bit soppy and not the 'hard army girl' that everyone portrays her as. I'm not sure whether this is a good thing, so I'll try and balance it out. As we saw the last couple of episodes, she does have feelings so I'll try and get that across. I'll update asap but I should really get my head down and start revising properly for my exams but I'll try my oh-so-very-hardest to update as much as possible over the next couple of months.**

**Hope everyone had a great Xmas and a happy New Year. Here's to a cracking 2014! xx**


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